Walking across the streets of New York(read jay walking). All alone, in the sea of people, singing my favourite songs like a mad cap maniac, I just started reflecting upon the week that passed by. From one meeting to another(almost unscheduled), one call to another, it passed on as if it was just last Friday only. A week when I pushed my team and myself to the brink.
And suddenly a story from my eight class hindi book came to revisit my mind, a poor man walking across the road gets beaten by rich people(circa 18th century, India) he decides not to be poor. He uses all the tricks he can maneover and becomes rich. The story ends with the now rich guy ends up in same situation and behaves in the same manner.
It reminds of my transformation over last 3 years when I set myself to be a good leader(NOT A MANAGER), but then in being a good manager I pushed myself so much that I started expecting the same from others. But then am I not becoming the same expoloiting leader that I never wanted to be. Caring, development is fine but then what is the point of being good if you are not good mostly!
The positive thing I know is that I am not on right track and some course correction is necessary. I and as a matter of fact all aspiring good leaders(and not managers) need to be patient with their people/assets, realize that it’s easier to get things done with people when they themselves feel like doing.
But then why did I do it the way I did it? well the answer was there in Enemy of state “I loved the agency. I loved the work. I loved the people. It was my whole life”. In one sentence I was and am in love with my job and nothing comes before that.Reward, money, family, nothing. All I realized was people whom I liked working made me fall in love either with my job or with themselves(read it strong liking). And the funny thing is what works with one doesnt work with other. Even more importantly, what works with you may not with the rest. These are the conundrums I avoided for long in life and trying to solve, by myself ; for now. I have no doubt about myself that in time I will solve this conundrum.
The conclusion that precipitated from this friday night somber reflection is that I will have to kill the part of mine that that lead me over here. May be change the skin like a snake or change colors like chameleon(Oh my my what great examples) or better, sparkle with different colors like a diamond at different angle of light. Afterall, “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
Right or wrong will be decided by the referree called time, but yes I have to enjoy while playing the game and like WWE give the audience what they want. Burying these thoughts on a saturday deep inside the ground of my mind to germinate and become a tree or fountain of goodness, I should get back to work on a Saturday.
