Posted by: ranjanrao | September 19, 2009

Days go by….

“Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn’t live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn’t live my life without you
Without you
Without you

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That’s pulling at my skin”

Thats about my Nokia 6680.  Few years back I used to try to be geek. Looked out for most jazzy phone available within a month’s salary of mine at that time. I am talking about 2005 around the diwali time. N series was still not there in India(just 1 week after i bought). Forget about iphone!

I remember how much I had to convince my parents to let me buy a ~25k Phone. More than that how much googling and research I did. All sites available at the time. Looked at each and every spec and every phone  was scrutinized on them.

Finally I had a dual camera phone, the dual camera was good for loners like me to snap myself. The other one was a 1.3 MP. I used to pride on that. Took some of the best pics from that 1.3 mp. More than that it was a companion to me in my most lone some days in singapore before my laptop. Used to play sudoku on it, hear music whatever its 64Mb card and non wma supporting player would allow.

Like all good things this too had an ending and it came at no great time than few other good things in life. 4 years long time for a phone. Technology has advanced leaps and bounds in that duration. But seems like I have stagnated and want to cling to my old phone. No matter how bulky it is how disgraceful it looks now. Buts its circular jockey! man i love that..y dont they make it anymore, its ergonomics of keys, its sound quality all make me cling to it.

Qwerty keyboards, sliders, touchphones, all these are within reach yet they dont appeal me. Earlier higher price was driving factor now it’s the opposite.  The research was ..if you chose to call it reseach …was of three things price, camera and fm radio. Thats it. May be technology has saturated or rather pleatued for me that I cannt sense the difference between previous echeloen. It all seems cumbersome to me.  Who will believe that few years back people used to check out with me for phones and I would to recommend them in Excel with few phones of my choice with my recommendation.  Now those simple phones of past seem to fulfill my needs of making few calls and receive fewer calls apart from family. Laptop seems to be my constant comapnion otherwise in delhi and bangalore  few friends are always there to hang out for a cup of coffee or drinks.

Someday if I happen to get married and have kids they’ll frown upon my ineptness to handle cellphones as I had on my mom for teaching twice to send her text messaging.

BTW i was very keen on a three year phone N73 but someone recommended hard for N79 and its bigger screen size and vintage looks(rather old aged) made me very keen on the same. Lets see what I end up buying, considering I have a bad nag of looking things and outrightly rejecting them.

/*

The heat up on Chinese border reminds me of this song.A song that brought an entire nation and its prime minister(Nehru Ji) in tears.

Lets not forget the supreme sacrifices of brave! and learn from the mistakes of past.

*/

ऐ मेरे वतन के लोगों
तुम खूब लगा लो नारा
ये शुभ दिन है हम सब का
लहरा लो तिरंगा प्यारा
पर मत भूलो सीमा पर
वीरों ने है प्राण गँवाए
कुछ याद उन्हें भी कर लो -२
जो लौट के घर न आये -२

ऐ मेरे वतन के लोगों
ज़रा आँख में भर लो पानी
जो शहीद हुए हैं उनकी
ज़रा याद करो क़ुरबानी

जब घायल हुआ हिमालय
खतरे में पड़ी आज़ादी
जब तक थी साँस लड़े वो
फिर अपनी लाश बिछा दी
संगीन पे धर कर माथा
सो गये अमर बलिदानी
जो शहीद हुए हैं उनकी
ज़रा याद करो क़ुरबानी

जब देश में थी दीवाली
वो खेल रहे थे होली
जब हम बैठे थे घरों में
वो झेल रहे थे गोली
थे धन्य जवान वो आपने
थी धन्य वो उनकी जवानी
जो शहीद हुए हैं उनकी
ज़रा याद करो क़ुरबानी

कोई सिख कोई जाट मराठा
कोई गुरखा कोई मदरासी
सरहद पर मरनेवाला
हर वीर था भारतवासी
जो खून गिरा पर्वत पर
वो खून था हिंदुस्तानी
जो शहीद हुए हैं उनकी
ज़रा याद करो क़ुरबानी

थी खून से लथ-पथ काया
फिर भी बन्दूक उठाके
दस-दस को एक ने मारा
फिर गिर गये होश गँवा के
जब अन्त-समय आया तो
कह गये के अब मरते हैं
खुश रहना देश के प्यारों
अब हम तो सफ़र करते हैं
क्या लोग थे वो दीवाने
क्या लोग थे वो अभिमानी
जो शहीद हुए हैं उनकी
ज़रा याद करो क़ुरबानी
तुम भूल न जाओ उनको
इसलिये कही ये कहानी
जो शहीद हुए हैं उनकी
ज़रा याद करो क़ुरबानी

जय हिन्द…
जय हिन्द की सेना -२
जय हिन्द, जय हिन्द, जय हिन्द

Posted by: ranjanrao | September 14, 2009

The Dark Side Of i-Banker’s Life

Without any intent to do copyright violations, and take this to the audience that follows my blog I am posting the intimate experiences of one of the “50 who’s who in the world of risk” —Don Van Deventer, the founder of Kamakura, prolific author in the world of risk.

The following is direct link to his post

http://www.kamakuraco.com/Company/ExecutiveProfiles/DonaldRvanDeventerPhD/KamakuraBlog/tabid/231/EntryId/121/Eulogy-for-Lehman-Brothers-Hasta-la-Vista-Baby.aspx

9/11/2009 6:07 AM

For many recent employees of Lehman Brothers, September 15 will bring a sad remembrance of its failure one year ago. For many of us veterans from the old days of Lehman Brothers, the greed and corruption and crude corporate infighting that we saw raises another question. How did a firm that was totally out of control 20 years ago survive as long as it did? As Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character said in the 1991 classic Terminator 2, “Hasta la Vista Baby.” This blog highlights some of the most unforgettable memories of three years at Lehman.

I spent the first ten years of my career in Los Angeles as a banker. From 1977 to 1982, I was at Security Pacific, then the sixth largest bank holding company in the United States. The bank was so straight-laced that the saying was, “Have a beer at lunch, don’t bother to come back.” From 1982 to 1987, I was at First Interstate Bancorp, ending up as senior vice president of the Funding Department for the parent company, then the 7th largest bank holding company. Under CEO Joe Pinola and my boss, the CFO Don M. Griffith, the place was filled with honest hardworking people who were trying to do the right thing. The only hint of scandal was on Monday mornings, when I would arrive to find evidence on my office couch that someone had brought their date up to the 58th floor to “see the view.” After Pinola and Griffith retired, the occasional petty thief reared his head. After one of Don Griffith’s successors (“Mr. X.”) as CFO resigned from the company, a large number of computers disappeared from the finance department. This happened immediately after it was announced that Wells Fargo was buying the firm we were constantly being told not to call “FIB.” The police were tipped off and found the PCs in Mr. X’s garage. But that was kid stuff compared to what I saw at Lehman. People in different offices of Lehman at different times in its history may have had a different experience than I had—I certainly hope so. Here’s the PG-13 version of some of the things that happened to me. The names of the bad guys have been changed. They know who they are.

The Prologue: Being Recruited by Lehman in Tokyo in 1987

I let my boss at First Interstate know in late 1986 that I was going to leave FIB, as much fun as it was. I told him I thought someone was going to buy FIB and fire all of the head office staff, especially in finance, so there was no reason to stick around. I couldn’t spell “retention bonus” to save my life. It was the height of the Tokyo bubble and I was ready to go. It was also Bonfire of the Vanities in New York and no one in New York wanted to drop off the map to Tokyo. I got a bunch of offers but the most memorable part of the recruiting process was a dinner with the Fixed Income Department at Lehman Tokyo (then called “Shearson Lehman American Express”) to celebrate their great 1986. There were about 15 people at the dinner in a small French restaurant on the back streets of Roppongi. The host was “Andy,” the American head of fixed income. The group was 80% North American and it got wild pretty fast. We were in an upstairs room with white plaster walls and a brick fire place, which was going full blast, because January in Tokyo can be pretty cold. The crowd was completely drunk in about 45 minutes, except for me because I was interviewing for a job. Before long the traders, whose average age was about 28, were grabbing charcoal out of the fire place and covering the walls in graffiti. After that, 13 of the 15 spent the rest of the dinner admiring a wooden sheep covered with the wool fleece of a lamb and ridiculing the second most senior fixed income guy. The assault was led by A and J, and they tried to make M, a very serious and sincere guy, feel as bad as possible.

The dinner ended when the room was so filled with smoke that no one could stand it anymore. Andy and I were the last ones out, because he was in charge of getting me to join the firm. We were just slamming the door on our cab when the Japanese chef at the restaurant came screaming out the door holding a meat cleaver. Andy, much to my surprise, was dumb enough to roll down the window to see why the guy was so angry (Andy had forgotten the graffiti). My Japanese was much better to Andy’s and I explained that someone had stolen the wooden sheep and the chef wanted it back. Andy grabbed a bunch of 10,000 yen bills out of his pocket, shoved it at the chef, and we raced off.

About six hours later, the next morning, I showed up at the Tokyo office for my formal interview. There was the sheep, right in the middle of the trading floor, balanced on the Bloomberg terminals between A and J. There were no illusions. If I joined Lehman, I knew I was destined for a place with the ambiance of a juvenile detention center.

J did OK. 10 years later, they made him the head of fixed income in Tokyo. After that he became the head of one of the largest overseas offices in the Lehman empire.

My First Day at Lehman in 1987: The Day I Decided to Quit

I took the Lehman offer and went to work on my first day. I was a senior vice president in the investment banking department, and I was assigned to cover about half the big banks, the 3 power companies, NTT, Tokyo Gas, Sony, Canon, and Fujitsu. After 12 hours in the office we went off to an Italian restaurant that’s still around, a place called Sabatini, in Aoyama. There were 8 people there, 3 from a prestigious European firm and the rest from Lehman. The Europeans had just arrived in Tokyo that afternoon. I couldn’t hear much of what was going on, because as Japanese culture dictated, I was at the junior seat at the table. Most of the first year I was in Tokyo, the only thing the Japanese branch manager Matsui thought he needed to teach me was where to sit at a business dinner, which varied by your rank, the ranks of those from Lehman, and the ranks of the people on the client side.

On that day, it was easy. I was in the junior seat and that was fine. I was jet lagged and by 10 pm the business day was 15 hours old. Suddenly everybody started to laugh. I turned to the Lehman guy next to me and said “What’s so funny?” He asked me, “Are you going to go?” I was clueless, and I said “What are you talking about? This is my first day on the job and I don’t know anything.” He explained it like this. “The clients have just reminded us of their need for ‘special services’ from the Japanese girls at the local ‘soap land.’ Tanaka-san on our side always arranges this for them, because the clients have made it clear that if those services are not provided by Lehman, they’ll take their Japanese business somewhere else. So the question is this—Tanaka-san is going to go, and so are a bunch of the rest of us. Are you going to go or not?”

I used jetlag to beg off, and I decided to quit Lehman that night. As an expat in a very expensive city, it took three years to buy a house, rent office space, come up with a business plan, and all the other stuff I had to do before I could actually leave Lehman. But the elapsed time from my first paid minute at Lehman until I decided to quit was 16 hours. I didn’t get a Harvard Ph.D. to work as a pimp.

Lehman Compensation: Direct and Indirect

It took me a while to figure out the compensation system at Lehman. After a while, it was clear that bonuses were very random and had only about a 5 percent correlation with your skill. The offset to that was the fact that the bonus was high enough that Albert Einstein wouldn’t have cared that Barney the dinosaur was making twice as much. Still, everyone around me was bitching that they were underpaid.

The branch manager when I was there was a bigger than life character, a lovable rogue. He looked and sounded exactly like Hideki Matsui, the centerfielder for the New York Yankees now, so I’ll call him Matsui. We were doing a couple of client calls together in late morning, so I hopped in his chauffer driven limousine and we stopped first at an elegant ryotei (a very fancy restaurant which is typically run by very beautiful and elegant ladies with near geisha status). It was only 10 in the morning and the place was closed, but Matsui had something to do. Much to my surprise, he asked me to come in with him rather than waiting in the car. We ended up in a small tatami room talking to one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She was a kimono clad beauty and obviously she and Matsui knew each other very very very well. She was distraught, and the conversation was too complicated for my Japanese at the time so I wasn’t sure what was going on. At the end, Matsui passed her a very thick sealed envelope, mumbled a long apology, and we got back in the Mercedes.

“Did you follow what was going on?” Matsui asked. Nope, I told him, and he explained. “She asked me for years and years to spend some time with her, and I kept telling her no. Finally I did ‘go out’ with her [he used a cruder phrase in Japanese, often translated as “bop”] but I don’t want to hang around with her any more. So I gave her a few million yen as an apology.”

The chauffer seemed to take all this in as normal and Matsui turned to discussing Saito-san’s compensation. Saito-san was technically my boss, so I just shut up and listened to what Matsui had to say. “Saito-san is always bitching about his compensation, even though he’s very well paid. His problem is that he just doesn’t do what I tell him. I told him ‘Look, just take out a mortgage on your condominium in Hiroo and take the money and buy the stock I tell you to when I tell you to. If you do that, you’ll have more money than you’ll ever need.’ “ He turned back to me, just shaking his head at what a fool Saito-san was for not doing as Matsui said. I concluded, but of course couldn’t prove, that Matsui was an insider in the rampant stock price manipulation of the day and that Saito-san missed a 100% chance to win the lottery.

Supplementing Your Income as an Investment Banker

Matsui called me into his office another time to talk about something, but before he did, he started complaining about Gambino. Gambino was another American investment banker who made John Gotti look like Mother Theresa. It had taken about 10 minutes for me to figure out that Gambino would lie to anyone about anything, sometimes because he thought that would increase his bonus, but often just for fun. He once bragged that he took someone from Lehman New York on a three day tour of the ancient city of Kyoto. Gambino explained that he gave detailed answers to questions about the 2000 year history of Kyoto for three days, never failing to answer in detail. How’d you do that, we asked. “I made it all up,” grinned Gambino.

Today, Matsui was really on Gambino’s case. “I know he’s falsified every expense report he’d ever submitted and I am so pissed off that I can’t prove it.” I knew that Matsui was right, because I’d see Gambino do it. He’d go out strictly for personal purposes and spend $500 to 1000 on a dinner, with one of the investment banking associates in tow. Then the associate would be the witness that there was a client there. Petty stuff. Must have cost Lehman $50,000 a year.

Lehman Tokyo’s IT Strategy

By the time I’d left First Interstate in 1987, the funding department at First Interstate had more PCs than we had people. When I arrived at Lehman’s Tokyo Investment Banking department, they had about 5 PCs in a sea of about 40 people. I explained to “Charles,” the British managing director running investment banking at the time, that I needed a machine to do my job. “Why?” he asked, “Those things are for secretaries.” I almost blew a gasket explaining to him what a small fraction of my total compensation had to be saved to break even on a PC. He finally gave in and got me one, although he tried to take it away later. I finally told him that if he took the machine away, I was quitting on the spot.

Supplementing Your Income as Only Senior Management Could Do

One day about 9 am, I had an imminent deal brewing and I need to clear the final terms with Matsui. I went to his secretary, who’d been around since the Meiji era, and asked for 10 minutes of Matsui’s time. I could see him in the office, but she said “He’s busy all day.” I could see inside the office, and there was nobody there. I raised my eyebrows in a question and she smiled. “You can only see Matsui if you go to this hostess bar in the Ginza tonight. Your appointment is 9:15 pm.” I said, “You can’t be serious.” She blushed and explained that Matsui’s “friend” worked there.

I walked past Matsui’s office about 20 times that day, and most of the time his office was empty. Armed with the frustration of that knowledge, I showed up in the Ginza at 9:15 pm and found that the place was one of the largest and most elegant hostess bars I had ever seen. There were at least 50 girls working there, any one of whom could have been Miss Universe if they could afford to take a pay cut that big. There was a long line of Lehman people waiting, at least 10. I finally got to the head of the line and Matsui came up to me with a stunning Korean-Japanese girl would couldn’t have been more than 28 years old. “This is my friend,” he explained. “She’s the mama-san,” meaning the boss. We had our meeting, it took about 15 minutes, and at standard high end Ginza bubble hostess bar rates, that would have cost Lehman Tokyo about $1000.

The next day it all started to make sense to me. How does a 28 year old start a high end bar with a monthly salary expense of $1 million a month for 50 Miss Universes? By having a partner like Matsui who owned 99% of the place. If there were 10 of us from Lehman and the bar billed normally, that was $10,000 in one day and Matsui’s share was 99%. No one ever talked about it openly, not if you wanted to get a bonus anyway. So I couldn’t confirm it, but from the looks on people’s faces I was the last one at Lehman to find out.

Jimmy Three Sticks

James D. Robinson III, CEO of American Express, parent of Lehman, was on his way to Tokyo. Rumor had it that this was part of his campaign to be named Secretary of the Treasury, which involved pushing Jimmy Three Sticks’ (as he was known within Lehman) plan to solve the third world debt crisis. I was to take JDR III to all of the major banks that I covered to meet with their CEOs, along with the president of American Express Japan. The problem was that every one of those banks was very pissed at American Express because they had just announced that the Amex card could be used to access yen deposits in Nomura Securities’ new yen money market fund. One afternoon, the day before Jimmy III was to meet with the CEO of Kyowa Bank (later merged into what is now known as Resona Bank) a senior managing director named Shimizu-san called me directly. That was the current day equivalent of a direct call from the Pope. Senior managing directors only talked to Matsui, not to the likes of lowly senior vice presidents in investment banking. “Don-san,” he explained, “When Mr. Robinson comes tomorrow, we don’t want to talk about the Nomura money fund. We don’t want to hear anything. Nothing. Not a word. If he utters one sentence about it, Mr. Robinson is not going to like what happens.” Amazing. He wasn’t threatening me. He was threatening the CEO of American Express.

This was big time. I called the CEO at Amex Japan and couldn’t get him. I sent him an e-mail (primitive interoffice e-mail, as that’s all we had) and a fax telling him what had happened. He called me back and we went through it by phone. Then I called Shimizu and explained all that I had done. “Shimizu-san, in addition, I’ll explain this for the fifth time to Mr. Robinson in the car. Even though I do that, I have to warn you Mr. Robinson is going to do whatever he wants to do, and I want you to understand I have no control over that.” It was a good thing I explained that, because the next day, even after my explanation, Jimmy Three Sticks raised the Nomura fund. Shimizu barely managed to avoid a heart attack, and Jimmy Three Sticks was probably never closer to a fist fight in his professional career. I haven’t seen so much yelling in one meeting in my life. The Kyowa CEO was ready to kill Jimmy III. And that’s who was telling the Lehman CEO what to do.

Lehman and Credit Risk 1987-1990

Peter Cohen was the CEO at Lehman for the years I was there, with the infamous Dick Fuld and Chris Petit backing him up. Peter came to Tokyo a lot, along with Fuld and Lou Gerstner, later CEO at IBM, who was working as President of American Express at the time. Lots of other people whose names you know passed through too, because Lehman was still benefitting from the aura of the Golden Age of Pete Peterson, even though the commercial paper guys led by Lew Glucksman had taken over the firm.

Glucksman didn’t stick long but his attitude toward risk outlived him. Commercial paper traders under Glucksman kept no inventory at the end of the day, because that meant that either the firm had a bad sales effort or they were mispricing product. The same was true on the corporate bond side. One time I went to see Andy in fixed income and asked him how come I was having such a hard time getting good bond spread quotes from the fixed income desk in New York. Andy explained they were never allowed to own any corporate bonds over night. That’s right. Zero inventory. Much more conservative than my prior employers Security Pacific and First Interstate, but then again, they both nearly went under, avoiding credit-risk induced failure with mergers under duress.

So how did Lehman go from zero credit risk in the fixed income group in the late 1980s to $693 billion in assets on September 15, 2008? I don’t know. I wasn’t there.

Insurance from the Top

After I realized that I was surrounded by peers whiling away their time with embezzlement, expense report falsification, prostitution as a marketing strategy, and stock price manipulation, I went to my best friend, the guy M who had been ridiculed the night of my recruiting dinner. “How can this go on so long without New York doing anything,” I asked him. “You idiot. Don’t you understand anything? When those guys from New York come over, Matsui takes them to soap land too. He’s got the goods on them. They can’t touch him.” It was time to get out, and I quit in 1990 to start Kamakura. My standards were too high to stay at Lehman but I wasn’t sure if anyone else would understand why I quit. I had drinks with my best Japanese client shortly after. He was a deputy general manager at one of the most conservative and reputable banks in Tokyo. “It’s a good thing you quit,” he said. “It’s the best way to keep your personal reputation as good as it is.” His advice was worth taking, and he’s now the CEO of one of the four largest banks in Japan.

Epilogue

About six months after I had quit to form my own firm, another close friend, an Englishman we’ll call David, was fired from Lehman for no good reason. About the same time, a senior vice president of the investment banking department Kitamura had approached one of the best associates in investment banking, a girl we’ll call Tanaka. Right in the office, he pulled on her blouse so that he could see her breasts. She stormed into the head of investment banking Saito’s office, and demanded that this svp Kitamura-san be fired. Saito did nothing so Tanaka walked out, went home, and called the world wide head of the associates program at Lehman in New York, a female VP. She too did nothing. Tanaka and her peers logged a lot of calls into me and I promised to take action. Tanaka was a smart, tough girl who had made the Texas state swimming finals when she was in high school. Kitamura picked on the wrong girl. I wrote a letter to the former head of investment banking, the Englishman Charles. Charles had returned to New York. He was such a devout Christian that one of the Japanese women in his church was stalking him in New York. “Dear Charles,” my letter started, “I understand that David has been fired. Knowing how important religious values are to you, how can David be fired when these three guys are still on the payroll:

  • Kitamura, who’s crudely sexually harassed Ms. Tanaka in the office in full view of the entire Tokyo investment banking department
  • Gambino, who’s spent most of the last five years falsifying his expense reports rather than generating any business for the firm
  • Ebuchi, who spends at least two hours a day sleeping at his desk in the investment banking department.”

I didn’t expect to hear anything back, and of course I didn’t. A few weeks later a friend in Lehman New York called and said “You’re letter’s getting widely circulated in New York.” “Oh yeah?” I said, “I bet I can guess what the reaction is.” “That’s right, I bet you can. They’re saying you’re psychologically disturbed,” he laughed. What happened to these guys?

  • David is now a managing director at one of the three largest banks in the USA with very heavy responsibilities
  • Kitamura was promoted to Managing Director at Lehman Tokyo
  • Gambino was promoted to a senior position at Lehman New York but was finally fired after years of great call reports, inflated expense reports, and no revenue
  • Ebuchi slept at Lehman for a few more years before moving to another firm
  • Matsui finally left Lehman and was black-balled from other investment banking jobs after a head hunting firm finally did reasonable due diligence. He lived in Bangkok for many years after and died a year ago
  • Tanaka has disappeared from sight. I don’t blame her.

Those are just a few of the PG-13 stories from that era. Maybe I was just lucky to have this window on Lehman. Maybe I’m just a blind man feeling the side of an elephant, unable to understand the true nature of the beast. Clearly the firm changed after I left. Thinking back, all I can say to the old Lehman is “Hasta la vista, baby.”

Donald R. van Deventer
Kamakura Corporation
Honolulu, September 14, 2009

Copyright ©2009 Donald R. van Deventer

Posted by: ranjanrao | September 9, 2009

Engineering Sense of Humor

I know most guys appreciate the tragic sense of humor I carry. I just found its something that I inherited from my engineering fraternity.

Here are few examples that should also clarify what the technocrati mean when they say that

Engineering Glossary Engineer says: A number of different approaches are being tried. Engineer means: We are still grasping at straws. Engineer says: We’re working on a fresh approach to the problem. Engineer means: We just hired three kids fresh out of school. Engineer says: Close project coordination. Engineer means: We know who to blame. Engineer says: Major technological breakthrough. Engineer means: It works OK, and looks very hi-tech. Engineer says: Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured. Engineer means: We are so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get it delivered. Engineer says: Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. Engineer means: The damn thing blew up when we threw the switch. Engineer says: Test results were extremely gratifying. Engineer means: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works. Engineer says: The entire concept will have to be abandoned. Engineer means: The only person who understood the thing quit. Engineer says: It is in process. Engineer means: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is hopeless. Engineer says: We’ll look into it. Engineer means: Forget it! We have enough problems for now. Engineer says: Please read and initial. Engineer means: Let’s spread the responsibility for the mistake. Engineer says: Give us the benefit of your thoughts.
Engineer means: We’ll listen to what you say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done. Engineer says: Give us your interpretation. Engineer means: I can’t wait to hear this! Engineer says: See me/Let’s discuss. Engineer means: Come into my office, I’m lonely. Engineer says: All new! Engineer means: Parts not interchangeable with the previous design. Engineer says: Rugged. Engineer means: Too heavy to lift. Engineer says: Lightweight. Engineer means: Lighter than rugged. Engineer says: Years of development. Engineer means: One finally worked. Engineer says: Low maintenance. Engineer means: Impossible to repair.

Engineer says: A number of different approaches are being tried.

Engineer means: We are still grasping at straws.

Engineer says: We’re working on a fresh approach to the problem.

Engineer means: We just hired three kids fresh out of school.

Engineer says: Close project coordination.

Engineer means: We know who to blame.

Engineer says: Major technological breakthrough.

Engineer means: It works OK, and looks very hi-tech.

Engineer says: Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.

Engineer means: We are so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get it delivered.

Engineer says: Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.

Engineer means: The damn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

Engineer says: Test results were extremely gratifying.

Engineer means: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

Engineer says: The entire concept will have to be abandoned.

Engineer means: The only person who understood the thing quit.

Engineer says: It is in process.

Engineer means: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is hopeless.

Engineer says: We’ll look into it.

Engineer means: Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

Engineer says: Please read and initial.

Engineer means: Let’s spread the responsibility for the mistake.

Engineer says: Give us the benefit of your thoughts.

Engineer means: We’ll listen to what you say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.

Engineer says: Give us your interpretation.

Engineer means: I can’t wait to hear this!

Engineer says: See me/Let’s discuss.

Engineer means: Come into my office, I’m lonely.

Engineer says: All new!

Engineer means: Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

Engineer says: Rugged.

Engineer means: Too heavy to lift.

Engineer says: Lightweight.

Engineer means: Lighter than rugged.

Engineer says: Years of development.

Engineer means: One finally worked.

Engineer says: Low maintenance.

Engineer means: Impossible to repair.

Posted by: ranjanrao | September 7, 2009

Sino-India Relationships: Recent Developments

Recently there is a major spike in the news bytes that Sino India relationships are grabbing. China lashing India and then later cooing us (most likely for show off) is nothing new. I grew up with that, but what was new was Indian establishment coming up in open and letting the whole world know what we are or rather will be doing on the borders. In other words what we didn’t do in last 10 years( at least 10). Reactivation of airbases, future deployement of troops, MBTs movements, future deployment of Su-30MKIs and development of infrastructure.

Strange isn’t it. A country where the defence and government establishments are holding history of ‘62, ‘65 wars to a great extent deep inside private chests, these public announcements indeed are. More so because all these announcements are nothing more than symbolic since nothing is being put into place right now. That is highlighted repeatedly in the needling from China.

Initially, I thought that this is the Indian response to the surprise milliatary exercise by Chinese which apparently caught Indian establishment by unawares and they were thinking of some millitary maneouvring by the chinks. But after a month of the same I think the Chinese plans are bigger. They are repeatedly showing mirror to India. They are making incursions to India. Apparently, they want to show the world and esp India who’s the big boss in SE Asia. India is up for the Security council expansion and a ‘62 style millitary defeat will be a huge blow to the ambitions that India harbours. I remember Mao’s comments after ‘62 “This victory will ensure a peace for next 50 years”. Aren’t we close enough to that. Defence experts are already talking about a future war. Their rationale or reasoning might be flawed, but one thing that I strongly with is the question that they raise “Are we prepared enough”.

Lets face the reality, we are  no match for Chinese in a full blown conventional war. We may win a few battles here and there but in a self sustained war chinese have a big advantage on pure numbers, quality may be a different thing. Although, I am no defense expert/analyst but still whatever little I know, we should at least manage to do what Pakis have been able to achieve with we having a significant numbers advantage over us.

Our defence and reconnisance systems should be such robust that incursions like the one on Mt Gya in Himachal are detected right on the spot. Our response should be the one that China gave to US ten years back, at the very best.

No one, may be except the Chinese,  knows how the future is going to unravel but lets hope its peaceful and amicable.

Posted by: ranjanrao | September 7, 2009

Follow Up to what for….

A lot has happened since I wrote last. Life went through from zenith to nadir and then again to zenith. Things blew into pieces in front of my eyes. Trust me they did! just that no one else will never know the full picture. No one else, yeah no one else no matter how close.

And then suddenly when I had become indifferent it happened. Something what I had been looking for… waiting for. For those who dont know it’s the promotion thingy I am talking about. It came at highest possible costs on every side. Poeple. I would have loved it I wont have to pay the costs. Sometimes you try to compensate for one thing by another and thats what I tried to do. Work hard party harder was the Inductis punch line in those days and thats what I did. Although thats deserves a separate post but still worth mention here.

But the war is not over. Its a never ending war where pitched battles were being fought and will be fought. I remember someone asking  ”Did anyone ever win a war?”. May be thats correct, but I enjoy winning few battles here & there, and frown loosing the ones I do. I do realize that I am up against an “Siachen Takeover” task(not just uphill) when it comes to settling my career and personal life. Default options may not be bad for me. All I can say is 10 years down the lane, if I remember this post then I will have to return and post a follow up to this and let you guys know how successfull I was in my ever changing plans.

I guess this is one of the few non risk management posts that I am finishing on a happy note. So definitely that makes this one special.

Posted by: ranjanrao | July 31, 2009

What For?

Sometimes when we are confronted with the dreaded question “why are you doing this” we are left without an answer.  We cann’t explain to others but deep down inside our heart we know this is the right thing for me or this is what I think is right. May be we have something in our minds which we dont want to share with others.

But what if the questioner is your alter ego and you yourself dont have an answer, even deep within.  To complicate the situation you know it is some big decision, which you know can be a blunder of even greater magnitude or may be the biggest mistake of your life.

Whats the way out? NetBen????(Net benefit as referred in Amex lingo) . The problem vector is again scaled up when the benefit matrix is singular.

Driven out of angst, frustation and may be just to prove ourselves we set ourselves on path of self destruction of our current form to recreate ourselves in something else. If that is mutation to the subject, then subject is oblivious to it. Isn’t that what spouts out of the gargoyle of  ”Fountainhead”? .  Pride, Self respect and love are few things that have same origin as this very feeling- The heart.

Questions like these dont have a fixed answer and actually IMO cann’t be solved using netben ways since there are few things that you cannt put a cost to. They are priceless. If you can’t figure this out, then you simply can’t. Sorry if i sound arrogant, but this is not about understanding.

Posted by: ranjanrao | July 31, 2009

Sharks in your life

Sharks in your life

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish.
But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades.
So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went
farther than ever.

The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish.

If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh.

The Japanese did not like the taste.

To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats.
They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the
boats to go farther and stay longer.

However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and
frozen and they did not like frozen fish.

The frozen fish brought a lower price.

So fishing companies installed fish tanks.

They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks.

After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving.

They were tired and dull, but alive.

Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference.

Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste.
The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish.

So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem?

How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan?

If you were consulting the fish industry, what would you recommend?

How Japanese Fish Stay Fresh:
To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still
put the fish in the tanks.

But now they add a small shark to each tank.

The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state.

The fish are challenged.

Thought for the week:

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most
of the time tired & dull,

so we need a shark in our life to keep us awake and moving?
Basically in our lives sharks are new challenges to keep us active and
taste better…..

The more intelligent, persistent and competent you are, the more you
enjoy a challenge.
If your challenges are the correct size, and if you are steadily
conquering those challenges, you are a conqueror.

You think of your challenges and get energized.

You are excited to try new solutions. You have fun. You are alive!

One:

Instead of avoiding challenges, jump into them.

Beat the heck out of them.

Enjoy the game.

If your challenges are too large or too numerous, do not give up.

Failing makes you tired. Instead, reorganize.

Find more determination, more knowledge, more help.

Two:

Disappointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you
enjoy the smooth road afterwards.

Don’t stay on the bumps too long. Move on!

Three:

No one can go back and make a brand new start.

But anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

A solution to the Japanese Shark concept:

He who loses wealth loses much;
he who loses a friend loses more;
but he that loses his courage loses all.


/* The last lines of this poem also appear in the hindi movie halla bol */

हो गई है पीर पर्वत-सी पिघलनी चाहिए,
इस हिमालय से कोई गंगा निकलनी चाहिए।
आज यह दीवार, परदों की तरह हिलने लगी,
शर्त थी कि ये बुनियाद हिलनी चाहिए।

हर सड़क पर, हर गली में, हर नगर, हर गाँव में,
हाथ लहराते हुए हर लाश चलनी चाहिए।

सिर्फ हंगामा खड़ा करना मेरा मकसद नहीं,
मेरी कोश‍िश है कि ये सूरत बदलनी चाहिए।

मेरे सीने में नहीं तो तेरे सीने में सही,
हो कहीं भी आग, लेकिन आग जलनी चाहिए

Posted by: ranjanrao | June 29, 2009

My Gtalk Status messages

If you happen to have me on your Gtalk messegner list then I bet you would have noticed my status messages.

They are unique. Unique in the sense that they are original(mostly), they are good ghazals, they are great poems or they are simply one liners. Above all they are virtual image of the literal personification of my thoughts or my feelings.

From a long time I have been receiving requests or rather suggestions from some of my friends(few actually) to put them in a blog post ..before they are lost in the limitations of memory. Just like in childhood we are too busy in making life memorable-unintentionally, rather than preserving and cherishing them for rest of the life I was busy in creating more whacky and weird status messages. With gmail messenger even gone from office and me literally shifting gears in life I guess its high time I start ..what we do upon maturity-Preserve.

So here are few of the status messages I kept in last few months. Its an ongoing post and will keep on updating as and when I remember some message that I kept but was not here…

So here I go

  1. And people said to me people don’t work in Amex
  2. 23/01/2009:I should have either born as dhritrashtra or should have become gandhari to live life peacefully
  3. aaj bhi ratings ..nahin..
  4. Seems like weekends have desserted me .whether long or short
  5. हो गई है पीर पर्वत-सी पिघलनी चाहिए,इस हिमालय से कोई गंगा निकलनी चाहिए।
  6. दिल गया तुम ने लिया हम क्या करें जानेवाली चीज़ का ग़म क्या करें
  7. cricket after long long time..feels like this world hasn’t come to a standstill yet..
  8. dekh maan main roti lekar aa gaya..
  9. maan yeh office ka kaam ek din kisi na kisi ki jaan lekar rahega..
  10. main kabhi batlaata nahin par sql se darta hoon main maan ..isi liye sab sas main karta hooon maan
  11. Excel hai ke maanta nahin
  12. इससे पहले के बेवफ़ा हो जायें..क्यों न ऐ दोस्त हम जुदा हो जायें
  13. The biggest tragedy of my life is I cann’t stand against my manager without being called anti-Indian
  14. The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
  15. There is absolutely no problem in not sleeping in nights it just makes your days full of dreams.
  16. Recession Songs: I am changing my name to Fannie Mae; I am changing it to AIG. On this bail-out I am betting; Just a piece of what they’re getting, Would be perfectly acceptable to me. I am changing my name to Freddie Mac; I am leaving for that great receiving line. I’ll be waiting when they hand out Seven hundred million grand out — That’s when I’ll get mine.
  17. jaag utha shaitan..
  18. unintended late night office..oh aaj rat fir nahin..
  19. meri aatma hi meri sabse badi dushman hai…
  20. sleepless nights and lifeless days..is tehre any reason for me to b alive?
  21. my baby ….problem child
  22. Dan ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin namumkin hai..
  23. simplicity is the complexity of highest order
  24. From month end to cycle cut is akin to chandni chowk to china
  25. one year gone but what did I gain/lose?
  26. everything that has a beginning has an end
  27. everything that has a beginning has an end..except madness and insanity
  28. saavdhaan age khudai ka kaam chal raha hai..
  29. suggestions to cheer me up..
  30. Hold my breath as I wish for death
  31. Godsmack:Wastin’ time like it was free..Will you ever find where you’ll be..And I’d only would do for you what you’d do for me.
  32. शब्द किस तरह..कविता बनते हैं..इसे देखो..अक्षरों के बीच गिरे हुए..आदमी को पढ़ो..लोहे का स्वाद लोहार से मत पूछो घोड़े से पूछो  जिसके मुंह में लगाम है
  33. recession aur terrorist kahin bhi aa sakte hain..
  34. How tragic one of my frnds asked bal bacche raazi khushi..over the phone.
  35. the most sarcastic comment of the weekend was on Friday “Finally the weekend is here”
  36. After more than 2 years of consciousness i can say with surety that nothing is final
  37. Growing pains
  38. life it seems will fade away
  39. U2: its the blind leading the blind
  40. smoking smoking nikale re dhuan
  41. connecting the dots of life: Reliving computer programming and Finite state machines
  42. Binary is beautiful
  43. I am no God. I am just trying to share his burden my experiments with truth
  44. badly wish there was an SAS obfuscated programming contest
  45. while (1); %keep_working();end;
  46. automation is the techincal name of laziness and cover up of fundamental inefficiencie arising due to incompetency
  47. is it the end of a new beginning or the beginning of just another end?
  48. Godsmack: help me decide if this place isn’t plagued by the poison in me
  49. life is a zero sum game: sometimes you cannt do what you want and sometimes you dont want what you can
  50. Kurt Cobain “Where the bad folks go when they die..they dont go to heaven where the angels fly..go to a lake of fire and fly” Another great soul “The good folks get fried and roasted over here”
  51. Compliance arose out of complacency
  52. nothing parallels the delight of reaching somewhere through toil sweat and blood all your own
  53. The level of April fool pranks is inversely proportional to fifth power of the product of your age and designation and work experience
  54. The tragedy of world of data is most inaccessible database is named as access and most humble sas
  55. years of toil, blood and sweat and alas all it takes is one mistake to obliterate
  56. generally closing loose ends results in the formation of a noose
  57. the beauty of glassware is not in how beautiful it looks but in how it has managed to survive that slight push /gentle edge that could have annihilated its existence-Myself ..who else :D
  58. ♫ oh how badly i wish my life to have options on options on the exotic options that i always yearn for
  59. ♫ trying to survive
  60. ever wondered what a turtle thinks when goes inside the shell?
  61. If you become your own enemy then you dont need anyone else
  62. क्या उन्हें देख विस्मित होना, जो हैं अलमस्त बहारों में, फूलों को जो हैं गूँथ रहे सोने-चाँदी के तारों में ? मानवता का तू विप्र, गन्ध-छाया का आदि पुजारी है, वेदना-पुत्र! तू तो केवल जलने भर का अधिकारी है। ले बड़ी खुशी से उठा, सरोवर में जो हँसता चाँद मिले, दर्पण में रचकर फूल, मगर उस का भी मोल चुकाता चल। These are lines from “Lohe ke ped hare honge” a poem that used to be in CBSE X class @ that time. Lines that relentelessly inspire me to hold my forte and bring a smile on my face..

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